1. |
i looked up
02:59
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laying down on a blue plastic mattress age 18
when i first learned to bridle all
change the size of all my daydreams
my biggest fear was dying 'fore i saw the year 2045
i saw burned out buildings
cockroaches and vines the only things alive inside
so i stayed up
staring at the ceiling
and when i cried
felt the planet heaving
well i looked up
mourned what we were leaving in our wake
i laid awake
laying down on the very same mattress age 22
still a shade of blue
old and somehow new
reeling from the places i have walked and driven through
when i fear us dying 'fore we fully get to live our lives
i hold that thought inside
close my eyes and hold you tight
if it all went down to tonight i would be alright
so i sleep deep
though my love is leaving i can keep
the beauty that she showed me in my reach
some nights i lay wide awake
but mostly now
i hold myself
when i sleep
i sleep
when i sleep
i sleep
when i sleep
i sleep
when i sleep
i sleep
when i sleep i sleep
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2. |
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crazy
staring at that screen made you feel
crazy
living in between
it's not what you thought that it would be
it's okay if you're sad on your birthday
you might not feel it but the love remains
it's okay if you do drugs on your birthday
at least you tried to abstain
glaring
feeling
crazy
scouring the concrete for that baggie
it's not all that it's cracked up to
beeeeee
pleeeeeease
you deserve to sleep deep on your birthday
you won't remember but you'll dream all the same
it's okay if you do drugs on your birthday
at least you try to abstain
yeAeaAh
you can't bring yourself to call on my birthday
i do not feel it but your love remains
i won't expect to hear your voice on my birthday
but i'll wait by the phone all the same
i will not blame
i will not blAAAaaeem
i will not blayayayaym
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3. |
tell me
03:05
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changed my hair
put lines in my face
some are from smiling
others from heartache
it's a wave of love
beyond your control
a few days alone feels like half of a whole
you said that i could call you
lord knows i want to
still hear the voice of the first love i knew
tell meee
about your day
tell me your happy
say you're okay
i'll find some peace in my way
find a new reason to live with this shame.
ooh
oooooh
growing so tired
hurting the one you love
doodooloodoo
drove all night
from the passover table
to drink your wine
and sleep in your stable
putting holes in pants
cuts on my hands
i never saw you
but i was your man
tell me
what to do next
tell me you miss me
you won't forget
teeell me
about your day
tell me your happy
i'll feel the same
we all feel the same
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4. |
if u slip
03:37
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if u slip on those promises made
whatever
i can love you no matter what comes
forever
when i get home you can tell something's wrong
i'm not better
in your eyes there are questions i cannot answer
should i
try to
tell you
i want to
if i say that my living is hard i scare you
i just wanted to tell you what i have been through
busy
run from here to there with your head in the ground
most
of the time you don't even look around
it's frightening when you try to clear your head at night
(wasted on all these games from a friend of mine)
and wasting precious time
(well i learned them wasting time)
we don't cross that line
we don't cross that line babe
we might find the right words to say
we should talk
i feel not like myself you sense it
and that promise i made
at the time i meant it
it gets dark so early up here
and we're struggling
it's not what we'd hoped for despite our best intentions
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5. |
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i'm obviously not there
fingers run through your tangled hair
is this love?
our young love
you thought you were here with me
thankfully we're still in therapy
that is love
our young love
when i get home from work
i try
for what i'm worth
i had
to
watch that songbird
fly
you begged
me
to
describe
it for you
is it wrong if i don't look away?
when our eyes meet on that train
is this weird?
am i not here
the four letter words get you in so deep
found a job
but you are losing sleep
without love
strangers love
when i get home from work
i try
because i'm worth it
you made
me
watch that songbird
DIIIIIIIEEE
you begged me to
describe it for you
you're turning inside out
sweating through the couch
OOh
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6. |
hard
02:22
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we're having fun
and it's good
to be here
we spent our months
getting closer
further
who will i
come hooome to?
we work so hard
and we give so much away
just to come home
and have nothing left to say
maybe it's better this way
maybe it's better this way
maybe it's better this way
maybe it's better this way
we're having fun
but it's hard
hard
hard
hard
hard
hard
hard
hard
haaaaard
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7. |
the falling part
00:57
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every day
i lay here waiting
cus i need
you to change
the shape i'm in
i don't know this place
this ain't my body
well i tried to run
but time
it finally caught me
the sun it comes up
i should be sleeping
but the falling part feels too much like grieving
the sun comes up
i should be sleeping
and moving on
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8. |
bad decisions
03:50
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soon you'll be driving down
driving down
you'll be driving down
on your way to my house
you with your man at home
man i know
man we made some bad decisions
i appear unmoved
it's untrue
i let you choose and mind my business
this ain't growing up
this is sippy cups
rubber ducks and bad decisions
bad decisions
bad decisions
bad decisions
we put if off again
we're still friends i wanna just be friends
but i'm so hungry
i know it ain't wrong to feel
it takes time to heal
time to heal from bad decisions
you can't really love me
but you wanna hug me
wanna fuck and make bad decisions
this ain't growing up
this is sippy cups
rubber ducks and bad decisions
(bad decision)
bad decisions
(bad decision)
bad decisions
(bad decision)
bad decisions
this is spinning backwards
headonchestwords
hearts are fractured
from indecision
i don't wanna serve a master
that i didn't ask fer
i didn't ask fer this decision
wake up feeling scattered
put my pants on backwards but it don't matter
when you're indifferent
maybe you can fill the gaps and help me capture the feeling wrapped in this
religion
this ain't growing up
this is sippy cups
rubber ducks and co-dependance
days defined by longing
(oh you don't know)
writing songs to find belonging
and openness
(what you do to me)
soon you'll be driving down
driving down
you'll be driving down
on your way to myyyyyyyyyyyyy
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9. |
overshare
03:14
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i wanna live our life again and actually be there this time
instead of grinding my self down to the tired, stoned, chronically dishonest, mess of a partner that i was
you couldn't anticipate the man that i would become
so different from the child you met in rollerblades and button downs
i'm not that boy in the bubble
i did the material things for you and it felt so good
i cooked and i cleaned, tried to be there when you needed me
but i never really accomplished the ladder
when i needed help i latched on tight
and i made you the vessel to collect my shame and pain
a rain barrel
under the downspout of my gutter
overflowing
i wanna write into existence a future that can't be felt
i wanna tear the male features from myself
wanna tear off a layer of shame
that convinces me where to place this blame
keeps me tied to this game
i wanna live outside of pain
no matter
how much i tear
it's all there
overshare
all there
weeweewooowooo
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10. |
sunshine
01:55
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the other night dear
as i lay sleeping
i dreamt i held you in my arms
when i awoke dear
i was mistaken
so i hung my head and cried
you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy when skies are grey
you'll never know dear
how much i love you
please don't take my sunshine away
you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy when skies are grey
you'll never know dear
the ways i love you
please don't take my sunshine away
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