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the falling part

by little cliff

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1.
i looked up 02:59
laying down on a blue plastic mattress age 18 when i first learned to bridle all change the size of all my daydreams my biggest fear was dying 'fore i saw the year 2045 i saw burned out buildings cockroaches and vines the only things alive inside so i stayed up staring at the ceiling and when i cried felt the planet heaving well i looked up mourned what we were leaving in our wake i laid awake laying down on the very same mattress age 22 still a shade of blue old and somehow new reeling from the places i have walked and driven through when i fear us dying 'fore we fully get to live our lives i hold that thought inside close my eyes and hold you tight if it all went down to tonight i would be alright so i sleep deep though my love is leaving i can keep the beauty that she showed me in my reach some nights i lay wide awake but mostly now i hold myself when i sleep i sleep when i sleep i sleep when i sleep i sleep when i sleep i sleep when i sleep i sleep
2.
crazy staring at that screen made you feel crazy living in between it's not what you thought that it would be it's okay if you're sad on your birthday you might not feel it but the love remains it's okay if you do drugs on your birthday at least you tried to abstain glaring feeling crazy scouring the concrete for that baggie it's not all that it's cracked up to beeeeee pleeeeeease you deserve to sleep deep on your birthday you won't remember but you'll dream all the same it's okay if you do drugs on your birthday at least you try to abstain yeAeaAh you can't bring yourself to call on my birthday i do not feel it but your love remains i won't expect to hear your voice on my birthday but i'll wait by the phone all the same i will not blame i will not blAAAaaeem i will not blayayayaym
3.
tell me 03:05
changed my hair put lines in my face some are from smiling others from heartache it's a wave of love beyond your control a few days alone feels like half of a whole you said that i could call you lord knows i want to still hear the voice of the first love i knew tell meee about your day tell me your happy say you're okay i'll find some peace in my way find a new reason to live with this shame. ooh oooooh growing so tired hurting the one you love doodooloodoo drove all night from the passover table to drink your wine and sleep in your stable putting holes in pants cuts on my hands i never saw you but i was your man tell me what to do next tell me you miss me you won't forget teeell me about your day tell me your happy i'll feel the same we all feel the same
4.
if u slip 03:37
if u slip on those promises made whatever i can love you no matter what comes forever when i get home you can tell something's wrong i'm not better in your eyes there are questions i cannot answer should i try to tell you i want to if i say that my living is hard i scare you i just wanted to tell you what i have been through busy run from here to there with your head in the ground most of the time you don't even look around it's frightening when you try to clear your head at night (wasted on all these games from a friend of mine) and wasting precious time (well i learned them wasting time) we don't cross that line we don't cross that line babe we might find the right words to say we should talk i feel not like myself you sense it and that promise i made at the time i meant it it gets dark so early up here and we're struggling it's not what we'd hoped for despite our best intentions
5.
i'm obviously not there fingers run through your tangled hair is this love? our young love you thought you were here with me thankfully we're still in therapy that is love our young love when i get home from work i try for what i'm worth i had to watch that songbird fly you begged me to describe it for you is it wrong if i don't look away? when our eyes meet on that train is this weird? am i not here the four letter words get you in so deep found a job but you are losing sleep without love strangers love when i get home from work i try because i'm worth it you made me watch that songbird DIIIIIIIEEE you begged me to describe it for you you're turning inside out sweating through the couch OOh
6.
hard 02:22
we're having fun and it's good to be here we spent our months getting closer further who will i come hooome to? we work so hard and we give so much away just to come home and have nothing left to say maybe it's better this way maybe it's better this way maybe it's better this way maybe it's better this way we're having fun but it's hard hard hard hard hard hard hard hard haaaaard
7.
every day i lay here waiting cus i need you to change the shape i'm in i don't know this place this ain't my body well i tried to run but time it finally caught me the sun it comes up i should be sleeping but the falling part feels too much like grieving the sun comes up i should be sleeping and moving on
8.
soon you'll be driving down driving down you'll be driving down on your way to my house you with your man at home man i know man we made some bad decisions i appear unmoved it's untrue i let you choose and mind my business this ain't growing up this is sippy cups rubber ducks and bad decisions bad decisions bad decisions bad decisions we put if off again we're still friends i wanna just be friends but i'm so hungry i know it ain't wrong to feel it takes time to heal time to heal from bad decisions you can't really love me but you wanna hug me wanna fuck and make bad decisions this ain't growing up this is sippy cups rubber ducks and bad decisions (bad decision) bad decisions (bad decision) bad decisions (bad decision) bad decisions this is spinning backwards headonchestwords hearts are fractured from indecision i don't wanna serve a master that i didn't ask fer i didn't ask fer this decision wake up feeling scattered put my pants on backwards but it don't matter when you're indifferent maybe you can fill the gaps and help me capture the feeling wrapped in this religion this ain't growing up this is sippy cups rubber ducks and co-dependance days defined by longing (oh you don't know) writing songs to find belonging and openness (what you do to me) soon you'll be driving down driving down you'll be driving down on your way to myyyyyyyyyyyyy
9.
overshare 03:14
i wanna live our life again and actually be there this time instead of grinding my self down to the tired, stoned, chronically dishonest, mess of a partner that i was you couldn't anticipate the man that i would become so different from the child you met in rollerblades and button downs i'm not that boy in the bubble i did the material things for you and it felt so good i cooked and i cleaned, tried to be there when you needed me but i never really accomplished the ladder when i needed help i latched on tight and i made you the vessel to collect my shame and pain a rain barrel under the downspout of my gutter overflowing i wanna write into existence a future that can't be felt i wanna tear the male features from myself wanna tear off a layer of shame that convinces me where to place this blame keeps me tied to this game i wanna live outside of pain no matter how much i tear it's all there overshare all there weeweewooowooo
10.
sunshine 01:55
the other night dear as i lay sleeping i dreamt i held you in my arms when i awoke dear i was mistaken so i hung my head and cried you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey you'll never know dear how much i love you please don't take my sunshine away you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey you'll never know dear the ways i love you please don't take my sunshine away

about

damn i'm so happy to be releasing this! could not have done it without so many generous, kind, loving friends and collaborators. listen compulsively and enjoy it until you hate it. goodbye for now<3

Joe Ippolito
(mixing, engineering, production, instrumentalist) on tracks 1,3,6,8
i am so immensely grateful to have worked with him on this one.

Austin Zaff
(mastering engineer) on the whole album!
it wouldn't sound half as good without his attention to detail and musical ear.

Brennan Zaff
(drums) on tracks 2,4,5
a joy as always to collaborate with. love you always.

Matthew Kleitz
(bass) on tracks 2,4,5
one take wonder. immensely talented and loveable individual. <3

Griffon Sgroi Jacobs
(recording engineer, keyboard) on tracks 2,4,5
generously engineered our session at The Point in Greenpoint, BK.

Calder Mansfield
(vocal harmonies) on track 8
slaygine <3

Danny Eberle
(drums) on track 8
graciously lent us the powerful timbre of his thighs.

Greg Hunter
(upright bass) on track 3

EDDINGTON SALMON RECORDS 2023

credits

released August 25, 2023

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little cliff New York

23
Rockland County NY

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